Decluttering Fails That Prove Getting Rid of Stuff Is Way Harder Than It Looks

We set a goal this year. The spare room would be cleared out before Thanksgiving. That was the whole plan. Our youngest left for college a while back, and that bedroom slowly turned into the place where everything with no home went to live. Tom and I agreed on a Sunday night. By the following Saturday we had moved exactly one lamp.

Somewhere in that first week I found a thread on Reddit where people confessed their decluttering fails. I read it at the kitchen table with my coffee. Then I read it again to Tom while he did the crossword. He laughed in the wrong places. He also recognized himself in about half of them, though he will not admit that in print.

So this is a post about getting rid of stuff and why it is so much harder than the tidy people on television make it look. Each of these is a real comment from a stranger. Each one landed on something that happened in our own house that same week.

The costumes that outlived their deadline

There is a bin in our hall closet full of costumes from when our three kids were small. A lion. A pumpkin. Something that was supposed to be a robot and mostly looked like a box. I told myself in early October I would offer them to the kids for the grandkids. I did not. Halloween came. The grandkids wore store bought things their parents picked up on the way home. The bin is still in the closet.

One person on Reddit described almost the exact same thing with a plan to sell.

All month I kept sitting on posting for sale old outgrown Halloween costumes. Halloween has come and gone and I never posted the old costumes, I’m willing to keep them another year in storage because they don’t take up much space….but I would’ve like that $ to offset this year’s dress up stuff, and also reclaim our limited space for something we actually want and use.

u/fallout__freak on r/declutter

I understood every word. The costumes do not take up much room. That is the problem. Small things are easy to keep for one more year.

Takeaway: a deadline you set in your head is not a deadline unless you tell someone else about it.

The gift still sealed in its box

Years ago someone gave us a bread machine. It is still in the box. The box sits on a shelf in the garage with the tape unbroken. I have made bread by hand my whole life, the way my mother did, and I never saw a reason to change. But giving away a thing I never used feels different than giving away a thing I wore out. It feels like admitting I wasted a gift.

Someone on Reddit put the same feeling into words with a record player.

I don’t know yet. I usually don’t have a hard time with this, but it’s a record player I never even unpacked, because I don’t have the space for it set up, so just giving it away feels like such a big loss. The box isn’t technically in the way, but it also doesn’t look good. Just on top of a dresser.

u/Glittering-Benefit68 on r/declutter

The box is not in the way. It just sits there looking like a decision I keep not making.

Takeaway: an unopened box is not a possession yet. It is a question you have not answered.

The clean cabinet that caused a mess

Tuesday I decided to start small. I pulled everything out from under the kitchen sink. I scrubbed the cabinet floor. I threw away three half empty bottles of the same cleaner. I lined everything up and felt very pleased with myself. Wednesday morning I turned on the dishwasher and water came pouring out from the cabinet door. I had knocked the little drain hose loose while I was in there. Tom was at the hardware store before nine.

One woman on Reddit had a worse version of this.

Yesterday I cleaned and decluttered under the kitchen sink. Vacuumed, dusted, scrubbed, organised; the whole nine yards. Went to bed very proud of myself. This morning I ran the washing machine. Turns out I’d knocked the waste water hose out of the stand pipe. I didn’t even know I could do that. Half a day later the towels are no longer needed and the dehumidifier has done its job. But there’s stuff out everywhere again, and I’m going to have to replace some of the supplies in cardboard boxes. And I feel very, very stupid.

u/SibbieF on r/declutter

She said she felt stupid. I did not think she was stupid. I thought she was me, two days earlier, with a bigger mop.

Takeaway: cleaning out a cabinet is not a win until you have run everything that cabinet is connected to.

The box of things nobody can explain

Thursday I went looking for the good tablecloth in the spare room closet. I did not find it. I found a box with my own handwriting on the side that said odds and ends. Inside was a single mitten, a camera strap with no camera, a package of birthday candles, a souvenir spoon, and a small plastic trophy from a Little League season I could not place. I stood there for a long time.

A person on Reddit had a box like this and handled it the way I did.

I was looking for something totally other in my closet yesterday, and found a box labeled “Vuvuzuela and other random objects”. It contained, amongst other things, a set of origami paper, a headband with devil horns on it, a computer mouse pad with a picture of a Christmas penguin, a stick-on bra, a box of colored pencils, an unopened package of hot hands handwarmers, and a mug warmer. But no Vuvuzuela…(that’s been unpacked for years now. of course.) I was so stunned by this collection that I just packed the whole thing up and stuck it back in the closet to surprise myself with again later…

u/ladysig220 on r/declutter

I put the lid back on. I put the box back on the shelf. I told Tom about it at dinner and he asked what was in it. I could not remember.

Takeaway: a box you cannot describe is a box you do not need.

The errand that ate the day

Friday was supposed to be the big push. Then Tom’s phone stopped charging. We spent the morning at the phone store. While we were there I brought along two old phones from the junk drawer, one to trade in and one that I thought might work for a grandchild to play games on. It took three hours. We came home and sat in the car for a minute before going inside.

One Reddit commenter was writing from a plane with the same kind of day behind them.

Currently sitting on a plane heading away from my decluttering tasks. I won’t be back until tomorrow and will be too tired to do anything the next day. My phone broke so I have to go to that store to get it replaced, so I’m taking two additional devices in, one to “trade-in” and one to get the battery replaced and give it to a relative. Just one frustration after another today.

u/Working_Patience_261 on r/declutter

I read that one aloud to Tom in the driveway. He said at least we did not need a plane.

Takeaway: the day you plan to declutter is the day something else will break.

The room nobody actually uses

Here is the honest truth about our spare room. It is the reason this whole post exists. Every single time I set out to work on it, I end up in the kitchen or the living room instead. Those rooms matter more. The spare room only matters when company comes. By the time the rooms we live in are done, I have nothing left for the room we do not.

Someone on Reddit explained this better than I can.

Our guest bedroom / office is a disaster. It’s just become a storage room and every time I tell myself I’m going to get to it, I divert my attention to a room we actually use. Once I’m done with all those rooms, I don’t have it in me to get to the guest room

u/green-bean-7 on r/declutter

Tom’s theory is that we should start with that room first, before we have any energy to spend elsewhere. He has not actually done this. Neither have I.

Takeaway: the room you avoid will stay avoided until you go there first.

The papers that waited for a better mood

There is a box of papers on the dining room chair. Old bills, warranty cards, instruction booklets for things we no longer own. Sunday afternoon was the time I had set aside for it. Sunday afternoon came and I sat down with Tom and watched a whole football game I did not care about. It was easier. I was tired from the week. The box is still on the chair.

A person on Reddit confessed the same trade.

I wanted to sort paper on Sunday but I didn’t have the energy and felt like gaming was the more convenient „task“. It was such a busy week I needed time to recharge. So another week will pass until I try to sort my papers again, only have time for that on weekends

u/Lisamausi on r/declutter

They picked a video game. I picked football and a nap. The result was the same box in the same spot.

Takeaway: if you only ever schedule the hard job for your tired day, it will never get done.

The project that hid behind another project

This one I am a little embarrassed about. I spent most of Monday evening deleting old photos off the computer. Hundreds of them. Blurry shots of casseroles from the years when this blog was about cooking. It felt productive. It was not what I was supposed to be doing. I was supposed to be hemming the new curtains for the spare room. The curtains are still in the bag.

A woman on Reddit laid out her own chain of avoidance, and it ended with Halloween candy.

Going through my Calibre e-book library and deleting a bunch of books I will never read. Quite a few series stared but DNF. A bunch of these books were for my mother (lots of cozy mysteries) and my husband (he likes sci-fi but he will NOT sit through long Space Operas). It’s nice to get the collection down but I spent a big chunk of time fixing errors/metadata. But that was procrastination for my “legacy” Kindle jailbreak project which was 100% procrastination for my kitchen curtain project (or throw pillow cover project, take your pick). And we didn’t get a lot of trick-or-treaters so we’ve got a 100 pk of candy left-over 🙁

u/FredKayeCollector2 on r/declutter

We had candy left over too. Not many trick or treaters this year. Tom has been eating it at a steady pace since the first of the month and calls it decluttering.

Takeaway: tidying one thing to avoid tidying another thing is still avoiding.

The dishes that could not be divided

We have four sets of dishes. The everyday plates. Our wedding china. The Christmas set. And a plain white set I bought years ago because white plates photograph well for a food blog. Tom stood in front of the cabinet on Wednesday and asked which one could go. I said the white ones. Then I thought about how nice they look with pot roast. Then I said the Christmas set. Then I remembered the grandkids like the little trees on the rim. We closed the cabinet.

One woman on Reddit had the same number of sets and the same answer.

We are moving and my husband asked which of the 4 full sets of dishes we have I’d be willing to part with and I can’t part with any of them 😭

u/Crowlady77 on r/declutter

Four sets. Could not lose one. I have never felt so understood by a stranger.

Takeaway: every set of dishes is a season of your life, and that is why none of them feel spare.

The drawer that filled right back up

Small victory on Thursday. I emptied a dresser drawer. I donated a swimsuit I have not worn in years. Then I had an idea. All my travel things live on a shelf in the closet, so I moved them into the empty drawer. Now the drawer will not close. The shelf is empty and the drawer is jammed. I moved the problem across the room.

A Reddit commenter did the exact same thing and said it plainly.

I’m decluttering slowly. Was able to empty a dresser drawer and thought ‘I’ll move all my travel-only stuff from the closet shelves to this empty drawer!’ Alas the drawer is now over stuffed and while I’m delighted to have put a swimsuit in the donate bin I am dissatisfied with the rearranging. Le sigh. I keep telling myself once I’ve decluttered a bit more over this next month I’ll have a better idea how to organize what remains but the sad truth is I suck at organizing and will need a sane third party (bestie or housekeeper) to take stock and make recommendations.

u/lizzzgrrr on r/declutter

She said she is bad at organizing and might need a friend to come look at it. I called my sister that night and asked if she would come over. She said she would, but only if I did not ask her opinion about the dishes.

Takeaway: moving things into a new spot is not the same as having fewer things.

The basket that lived in the wrong room

For years our dish towels have lived in the hall closet. The hall closet is nowhere near the kitchen. Every time I needed a fresh one, I walked past Tom, past the dining table, down the hall, and back. I never once thought about why. Saturday I moved the basket to the kitchen. It took thirty seconds. I have been married more than thirty years and I just now did this.

Someone on Reddit confessed the same thing with washcloths and said how long it took.

Just this past weekend, I moved my basket of washcloths to the bathroom, which is where they are used. This has been a multi-year FAIL bc when I decluttered and gave the washcloths a basket to live in, I put it in my armoire. Where they’re not convenient for immediate use, AND take up space that is desperately needed for clothes. So anyway, yes I fixed it, but people, I’m 57, and this went on for YEARS.

u/Middle-aged-Hobbit on r/declutter

She said years. I said years. Tom said he had been wondering about the towels since the nineties and did not want to start something.

Takeaway: the easiest fix in your house is probably the one you stopped noticing.

The old keepsake nobody else wants

Our oldest came by on Sunday. I had a trash bag going in the spare room. In it was a pen set in a wooden case with the name of a company on it. Tom got it from a place he worked a long time ago. The company does not exist anymore. The pens do not work. Our oldest pulled it out of the bag and asked why I would throw it away instead of giving it to someone. I asked who. There was a long pause.

A Reddit commenter was dealing with the same thing, except it was a mother doing the guilting.

I’m moving and really trying to not bring the clutter with me. But, it’s just not working. My mother has made me feel guilty for not disposing of things perfectly. What if I need it later? A watch that doesn’t fit that I got from a company I worked for 20 years ago, why would you put that in the garbage??? Like… No one wants that! The company doesn’t exist anymore. Leave me alone lady.

u/allthegodsaregone on r/declutter

I laughed hard at the last line. Then I put the pen set back in the bag while our oldest was in the other room.

Takeaway: if nobody can name a person who wants it, nobody wants it.

The spare room is not done. Thanksgiving is in a couple of weeks and I think we will get there, mostly because the kids and grandkids need somewhere to put their coats. Tom raked the leaves this morning like he does every Saturday and then came inside and asked if we were starting on the room or just talking about it again.

What I learned from that thread is that nobody is good at this. Not the people who write the books, and not the people who comment on Reddit, and not a woman who has been running a house for more than thirty years. Stuff is heavy in ways that have nothing to do with weight.

What is the one thing in your house you keep meaning to get rid of and never quite do?