Habits People Picked Up from a Toxic Ex and Secretly Still Do Because They Were Actually Right

My friend Marcia came by on a Tuesday morning in October. She brought a loaf of banana bread and a confession. She had caught herself wiping down the counter before bed, every night, the way her ex-husband used to insist on. She said it out loud at my kitchen table like she was admitting to a crime. Then she laughed and said the worst part was that he had been right about the counter.

That got me curious. I found a thread on Reddit where people listed the habits they picked up from an ex who was otherwise hard to live with. Habits they still do. Habits they would not admit to at a dinner party. I printed the whole thing and read it to Tom over a week of evenings while he worked the crossword. He grunted at some. He stopped writing at others.

Here are the thirteen that stuck with me. Marcia is going to pretend she did not inspire this post.

Washing your hands the minute you get home

Tom came in from the hardware store on Wednesday and went straight to the sink. He has done that for years. I never asked why. When I read this first comment aloud, he said his mother taught him and he thought it was silly until he had three kids in diapers.

One man on Reddit admitted he used to think his ex was out of her mind over this.

Washing my hands the second I walk through the door. Thought she was nuts but post covid… yeah

u/doro_theea on r/answers

I thought about all the shopping carts and gas pumps and door handles in a normal week. I thought about the grandkids and the way they put their fingers in everything, including my mouth once. The ex sounds like she had a point before the rest of us caught up.

Takeaway. Some habits look like fussing until the year they stop looking like fussing.

Keeping a budget

Marcia told me her ex kept a ledger in a green notebook. He wrote down every coffee. She hated that notebook. She also told me she now has a spreadsheet, and she updates it on Sunday nights, and she sleeps better for it.

A woman in the thread said something very similar, with a little more honesty about the person who taught her.

Budgeting/ keeping a budget. She was slightly toxic, but very practical.

u/robo_Ben on r/answers

Tom and I did not keep a budget for the first ten years. We kept a drawer of receipts and a vague sense of dread. When our oldest needed braces, the dread got specific. We sat at this same table with a legal pad and figured out where the money went. It was not fun. It was useful.

Takeaway. A person can be hard to live with and still know how to add.

Staying calm when a bug lands on you

This one made Tom put the pencil down. We were on the back porch Thursday evening and a wasp landed on his forearm. He froze. He waited. It flew off. Then I read him the comment and he nodded like he had been waiting thirty years for someone to back him up.

The woman who posted it dated a man who kept spiders as pets, which I would not have lasted a week with.

Not swatting/or trying not to..when feel a bug crawl on skin. Weird one..I know. But he had pet spiders. If you feel a critter better to stay calm still move it off slowly rather than smack whatever it is. You’re more likely to get bit or stung moving fast hitting something. (Mosquitos are an exception fck those little bloodsuckers)

u/Fickle-Carpenter7949 on r/answers

I am a swatter. I will admit it. I have been stung twice doing exactly what she describes. Slapping at something that has a stinger is a good way to make it use the stinger. The slow brush-off is calmer and, from what I can tell, safer.

Takeaway. Fast hands make angry bugs.

Using the right word in a text

I got a text from one of my kids last spring that said “there coming Sunday.” I knew what it meant. I also noticed it, and I am a little ashamed of how much I noticed it. My mother would have circled it in red.

One fellow on Reddit got the same treatment from an ex, and he says it stuck.

Grammar. I was one of those who would use ‘there’ to mean ‘their’ or ‘they’re’ in a text, but one ex called me out on it and it cured me.

u/SullyEarn on r/answers

Tom thinks this is small potatoes. He texts with one finger and no punctuation. But he also writes a very clean note on the grocery pad, and he knows which “their” goes where. The ex in that story was not wrong. The delivery may have been rough, but the lesson held.

Takeaway. A correction can sting and still be correct.

Cracking the windows open

Our youngest’s room stayed shut for a month after the move to college. When I finally opened the door, the air was stale and sad. I opened the window and left it open for a day. The room felt like a room again.

A woman in the thread said her ex was adamant about this, and she has come around.

Leaving my windows ajar as often as I can because fresh air circulation and no more stuffy room. Fair call

u/Visual_Scene3624 on r/answers

Tom grumbles about the heating bill. I crack them anyway, an inch or two, most mornings. The house smells like outside instead of like last night’s onions. It is such a small thing. It changes the whole feel of a morning.

Takeaway. Stuffy rooms make stuffy moods.

Cleaning the kitchen before bed

This is Marcia’s habit, the one that started the whole conversation. Her ex wanted the sink empty and the counters wiped before anybody went upstairs. She said it felt like a rule at the time. Now she does it alone in her own place and nobody is checking.

Someone on Reddit described the same thing, with the same mixed feelings.

Cleaning up the kitchen before bed. I still don’t always do it, but waking up to a clean kitchen is worth the effort.

u/AttractiveProton on r/answers

In our house this is a trade. Tom dries, I wipe, and we are done in ten minutes. I will tell you the truth. Some nights the pan soaks. But on the nights we do it, coming down to a clean counter and a quiet sink is a gift from the people we were the night before.

Takeaway. Morning you is grateful for ten minutes from last night you.

Spreading money across free bank accounts

I did not understand this one at first, so Tom explained it to me. You open a few accounts that do not charge fees. One is for bills. One is for groceries and gas. One is for saving up for a trip or a roof. Money goes in on payday and does not mix.

A person in the thread credited an ex for the trick.

A trick to budgeting by having different accounts with different no fee banks

u/yeezushchristmas on r/answers

We did a rougher version of this with envelopes when the kids were small. Cash in paper envelopes with the word written on the front. The bank account version is the same idea without the paper cuts. It keeps you from spending the car insurance on Christmas.

Takeaway. Money that is separated is money that is harder to lose track of.

Closing the toilet lid

Tom closes the lid. He has done it since before we were married. I asked him once why, and he said his grandmother’s house. That was the whole answer. I have raised three kids who did not pick it up, so clearly it skips around.

One Reddit user said an ex got them into the habit and they are not giving it up.

Closing the toilet lid. It’s more sanitary and, imo, looks better.

u/redking20 on r/answers

I agree about the looks. A closed lid makes a bathroom look finished. The sanitary part is also true, from what I have read, and I will not say more than that at a kitchen table. The grandkids now get a gentle reminder from Tom every visit.

Takeaway. Some household rules are just good manners for the room.

Pointing with your tongue when your hands are full

This one made me laugh out loud. Tom asked what was so funny and I read it to him. He said he does this. I have been married to this man for more than thirty years and I had never noticed. Then he carried two casserole dishes to the table on Sunday and I watched him point at the trivet with his tongue.

The person on Reddit kept it short.

Using your tongue to point when your hands are full.

u/Electronic-Egg6172 on r/answers

It is silly looking. It also works. When you have a hot pan in each hand and someone asks where the oven mitts are, your chin and your tongue are all you have left. I have started doing it. One of the grandkids copied me. We may have started something.

Takeaway. Useful beats dignified when the pan is hot.

Peeling vegetables from the top down

My mother peeled potatoes toward herself with a paring knife. I learned it from her, so I do it that way. Tom uses the swivel peeler and peels away from himself. We have argued about this with great affection for decades.

Then I read this comment and tried it on a carrot on Friday night.

Peeling potatoes and vegetables from top to bottom with thumb at the top. Really much easier.

u/Icy-Dragonfly-4190 on r/answers

I will say it. It was easier. The thumb at the top keeps the vegetable steady, and the strokes go the long way without catching. I peeled five potatoes for Saturday’s dinner that way. I did not tell Tom, which is its own small victory.

Takeaway. There is usually a better grip, and someone irritating may have already found it.

Staying upright after a meal

After Sunday dinner Tom likes to lie on the couch with the game on. He calls it digesting. His doctor calls it something else. The heartburn he complains about at ten at night does not come from nowhere.

A woman on Reddit said her ex pointed this out, and she had never considered it.

Not lying down after eating. Used to eat dinner and sleep and never thought about it ngl till he made me realize it’s such a bad habit

u/Competitive_Sugar962 on r/answers

We have started taking a walk around the block after supper on the nights it is not raining. Twenty minutes. Tom pretends it was his idea. I let him. The couch is still there when we get back, and he sleeps better for the wait.

Takeaway. The couch can wait twenty minutes.

Eating slower

Our middle one eats like the plate might be taken away. I have no idea where that came from. Tom eats slowly. He chews and he talks and he puts the fork down between bites. I used to find it maddening when the kids were small and we had somewhere to be.

A man on Reddit had an ex who got after him about this at every meal.

I dated a girl that absolutely hated how fast I ate. Every time I started eating she would get mad at me and tell me to slow down. I eventually did. She was right, it is better for me.

u/SuperSaiyantaClaus on r/answers

I have tried it. Fork down, sip of water, say something to the person across from me. The meal lasts longer. I eat less. I notice the food. The way she went about it sounds unpleasant. The thing she was after was not.

Takeaway. The plate is not going anywhere.

Packing camping gear by room

We camped with the kids for years. I was the one who forgot the can opener, the matches, and once the tent poles. The tent poles trip is still brought up at Thanksgiving.

Someone in the thread laid out a system an ex taught them, and I wish I had read it twenty years ago.

Packing for camping as if the supplies belonged to rooms. Ex: egg crate 1- kitchen – all items used to cook Bag 1 – bathroom – all toiletries Egg crate 2 – patio – all lights/lanterns, chairs, fire stuff etc. bedroom – tent with all sleeping stuff It’s been very helpful and I have forgotten way less stuff

u/FuggoTheSluggo on r/answers

Tom read it twice. One crate for the kitchen. One bag for the bathroom. One crate for the porch stuff, lanterns and chairs and fire things. The tent and the sleeping gear in their own pile. You pack the way you would walk through a house. You can look at each pile and see what is missing. We are going again in June with the grandkids and I have already labeled the crates.

Takeaway. A good system does not care who taught it to you.

Marcia came back the next Tuesday and I read her the whole list. She picked the kitchen one, the budget one, and the toilet lid. She said she would deny all three if asked. Tom pointed out that she had just admitted them in my kitchen. She said that did not count.

I think that is the honest truth about most of these. Nobody wants to give credit to a person who made them miserable. But a good habit does not know where it came from. It just keeps working. You can keep the habit and leave the rest behind.

What is the one thing you still do that you learned from someone you would rather not thank?