Tiny Dealbreakers Women Refuse to Compromise on When Dating, No Matter What

My friend Jeanette started dating again this spring. She lost her husband a few years ago and she decided she was tired of eating supper alone. She set up a profile on one of those apps. Then she came over to my house on a Wednesday night and put her phone on my kitchen table like it was a hot pan.

She said she did not know what she was allowed to be picky about. She felt silly ruling a man out over small things. I told her that small things are usually the whole thing. Tom and I have been married more than thirty years. The big stuff was settled a long time ago. The small stuff is what we live with every single day.

So I found a thread on Reddit where women listed the tiny dealbreakers they will not bend on. Jeanette and I read through it over a few Wednesday nights with a pot of decaf. Tom sat at the end of the table with his crossword and offered his opinion whether we asked for it or not. Here are twelve that stuck with us.

She would rather not sit through the game

Jeanette told me her late husband watched every game that came on. She spent thirty Sundays a year reading in the other room. She said she did not hate him for it. She just does not want to do it again. The first comment we read could have been written by her.

Would prefer if he isn’t a big sports fan because I really hate watching sports

u/Original_Chapter3028 on r/MenAskWomen

Tom looked up from his puzzle and said that seemed harsh. I reminded him that he only watches baseball and that I like baseball. Jeanette does not like any of it. She wants her Sundays back. There is nothing wrong with a man who loves sports. There is also nothing wrong with a woman who refuses to spend her weekends on the couch next to a stranger yelling at a screen.

Takeaway: how a man spends his free time is how you will spend yours.

He puts the shopping cart back

This one made me laugh because I have watched Tom walk a cart all the way across a wet parking lot to the corral in a rainstorm. He will not leave it loose. He says it will roll into somebody’s car. A woman on Reddit said this is a test she does not announce but always grades.

Put the cart away, either back in the store with the other carts or in the cart catcher in the parking lot. Do not leave it randomly or leave it in the middle of the walkway.

u/Cheekers1989 on r/MenAskWomen

Jeanette said she had never once thought about it. Then she thought about it for a minute and said the last man she had coffee with pushed his cart into a flower bed. She had noticed and then told herself it did not matter. I told her it does matter. Nobody is watching in a parking lot. What a man does when nobody is watching is the real man.

Takeaway: the cart is small and the habit behind it is not.

He keeps private things private

I almost skipped this comment when I read it ahead of time. Then I decided Jeanette is a grown woman and so am I. A woman wrote that she had lived with a man who did his private business in the living room while she was home in the next room.

Jerking off in common areas when the other partner is home.

u/Striking_Piano_9196 on r/MenAskWomen

Jeanette put her hand over her face. Tom got very interested in his crossword. I said what needed saying. A home has shared rooms and a home has private rooms. A man who cannot tell the difference is telling you how much he thinks about your comfort. That is not a thing that gets better after the wedding. We moved on quickly.

Takeaway: a man who respects your shared space respects you.

She wants a good head of hair

Jeanette and I both laughed at this one because it is so honest. One woman just came out and said she needs a man with a full head of hair, and she wants it shiny and on the long side.

He has to have thick, shiny long or longish hair.

u/Emergency_Matter_724 on r/MenAskWomen

Tom ran a hand over the top of his head and said he was glad I married him in his twenties. I told him I married him for his patience and his pot roast and the hair was a bonus. Jeanette said she did not care about hair at all. Then she admitted that the man she liked best on the app had thick gray hair he wore a little long. We all have a thing we notice first. There is no shame in knowing yours.

Takeaway: you are allowed to want what you want, even if it sounds shallow out loud.

No flip-flops and no feet on her lap

This one had Jeanette nodding before I finished reading it. A woman wrote that she will not date a man who wears flip-flops, and she will not have his feet touching her at any time, for any reason.

No flip-flops. Ever. And don’t touch me with your feet. Ever.

u/itiswhatitis6505 on r/MenAskWomen

Jeanette has a thing about feet. She always has. Her late husband knew it and kept his socks on in bed for forty years. She said she could not imagine training a new man to do that. I told her she does not have to train anyone. She can just say it on the second date and watch what he does with the information. Tom said he has never owned flip-flops. I said that is true and it is one of the reasons we are still married.

Takeaway: if something makes your skin crawl, it is not a small thing to you.

He does not know who won last night

This one sounded like the first comment but it is different. The first woman did not want to watch sports. This woman wanted a man who truly does not care about any of it. Not a little. Not at all. She described it as a kind of peace.

Doesn’t follow or care about sports in the slightest

u/NewInspection19 on r/MenAskWomen

Jeanette said that was the dream. A man who does not check scores at dinner. A man who does not plan a vacation around a playoff schedule. I told her those men exist but you have to ask early. My brother-in-law is one. He has never watched a full game in his life and my sister says the house is very quiet on Sundays. Tom pointed out that he only checks the baseball score once at supper. I said once is fine.

Takeaway: ask what he does on a Sunday afternoon before you agree to spend one with him.

He does not smoke

The tone changed at the table when we got to this one. A woman wrote that she will not date a smoker because she does not want to spend decades fighting an addiction that is not hers, and she does not want to watch someone she loves get sick from it.

Smoking. I am not willing to battle over not smoking for decades, addictions are serious. Or see my partner suffer as a result.

u/Resident_Hat_8661 on r/MenAskWomen

Jeanette got quiet. Her husband smoked when they were young. He quit in his forties but it was hard on both of them. She said she did not know if she had another fight like that in her. I told her she does not have to find out. She can just say no the first time she smells it on a man’s jacket. Tom nodded. His dad smoked and he has never touched one. Some rules you make because you already know how the story ends.

Takeaway: you do not have to sign up for a battle you have already watched someone lose.

No wet towels on the bed

I read this one and Tom groaned because he knew what was coming. A woman wrote that she cannot stand a man who leaves damp towels wherever he drops them, or who puts an empty container back on the shelf instead of throwing it out.

Someone who leaves wet towels laying around or puts something back when its basically empty instead of the trash. Drives me up the wall

u/E63S85 on r/MenAskWomen

Tom did the towel thing for about ten years. I asked nicely. Then I asked less nicely. Then one day I hung a hook right next to the shower at his eye level and the problem solved itself. I told Jeanette the hook is the easy part. The hard part is a man who hears you say something bothers you and does not care. The towel is not the dealbreaker. Not listening is.

Takeaway: small messes are forgivable, ignoring you is not.

He rakes instead of blowing

This one got read out loud twice because Tom asked me to repeat it. A woman wrote that she cannot be with a man who likes bright overhead lights, and that owning a leaf blower, or paying someone to run one, is a sin she will not forgive.

If he’s someone who likes bright overhead lighting we’re not meant to be. If he owns a leaf blower or pays others to use them. Unforgivable.

u/WordsAreGarbage on r/MenAskWomen

Tom has raked our leaves by hand every Saturday morning in the fall for more than thirty years. Our neighbor has a leaf blower that sounds like a jet engine. Tom said he finally felt seen. Jeanette laughed until she had to wipe her eyes. She said she had never in her life thought to ask a man about leaf blowers. I told her she does not have to ask. She just has to listen on a Saturday morning.

Takeaway: the way a man keeps his yard is the way he will keep your peace.

No little figurines on the shelves

Jeanette had just come back from a man’s apartment for a first supper. She said it was clean and he cooked and the whole thing went well. Then she said there was a shelf of small plastic characters in the living room and she could not stop looking at it. One woman on Reddit said that shelf would be the end of it for her.

No ugly little figurines ruining the decor. I love that you have interests but I will not spend a moment of my life looking at a FunkoPop

u/Smooth-Tell7107 on r/MenAskWomen

I told Jeanette I did not even know what those were until our grandkids showed me. She said she did not mind that he had hobbies. She minded that they would be staring at her from the bookcase every morning. Tom said a man should be allowed one shelf. I said one shelf is fair, but it should be in the den. We agreed that this was a second-date conversation and not a first-date dealbreaker.

Takeaway: you have to be able to live with what he puts on the walls.

No Crocs in the closet

This comment was the longest one in the thread and the most honest. A woman said she ended things for good with a man she still saw on and off, all because he started asking her about buying a pair of Crocs. She cares a great deal about clothes and he knew exactly how she felt about those shoes.

My pettiest is by far I finally cut my ex turned fwb off when he was looking into getting crocs. I can’t stand them and I’m a fashionable person (like all my clothes are silk, cashmere, pima cotton, and I don’t own sweatpants) and I was so offended he asked me my thoughts on them when he knows I’ve said I find them hideous.

u/TheVoidWantsCuddles on r/MenAskWomen

Jeanette said that sounded petty. Then she thought about it and said it was not really about the shoes. It was about him knowing something mattered to her and bringing it up anyway, like he wanted her to change her mind. I agreed. Tom owns a pair of ugly garden clogs. I asked him to keep them in the garage and he did without a word. That is the whole difference.

Takeaway: a man who pushes on your small no will push on your big one.

He knows how to pass on the sidewalk

The last one we read is the one Jeanette says she now watches for every time. A woman wrote that she judges a man by how he walks past people on a sidewalk. If she slows down to let him go first and he stops too, she already knows enough.

If you don’t know how to pass people on the sidewalk. When I slow down to go behind you and you stop instead I’ve seen all I need to see.

u/Vast-Website on r/MenAskWomen

Jeanette and I went for a walk the next morning and we noticed it everywhere. People who move over. People who do not. People who stop dead in the middle and look at their phone. It is a little dance and some folks have no rhythm. I told her that a man who cannot share a sidewalk will not share a bathroom counter or a bed or a life. Tom has walked on the street side of me for thirty years without ever being asked.

Takeaway: how a man moves through the world is how he will move through yours.

Jeanette is still on the app. She has had a few suppers and one long walk with the man with the gray hair. She says she is not in a hurry. She also says the list helped her stop apologizing for what she notices. I think that was the real lesson from all those Wednesday nights. Nobody is required to put up with a wet towel or a leaf blower or a plastic shelf for the rest of her life just because the man is kind. You can want kind and also want the cart put back.

Tom finished his crossword and said he was glad he passed. I told him the jury is still out on the garden clogs.

What is the one tiny thing you would never compromise on, no matter how nice the rest of him was?