Honest Reasons Women Decided to Have Kids (One Calls It the Worst Decision of Her Life)

Our middle one stopped by on a Sunday afternoon to help me with the dishes. Halfway through the pots, there was a question. Why did Tom and I decide to have kids? I gave a lazy answer. I said it was just what people did back then. My middle one dried a pan and did not look satisfied. I was not satisfied either.

That night I could not sleep. I got up and sat at the kitchen table with my laptop. I found a thread on Reddit where women answered that exact question in their own words. Some answers were sweet. Some were blunt. One woman called it the worst decision of her life. I read one comment each night for the next two weeks. Tom sat in his chair with the crossword and listened to me read them out loud.

Here are twelve of those answers. After each one, I have written what it stirred up in me. I am not an expert on anything. I am a woman who had three kids with the same man and has the grandkids to show for it. That is the only credential I bring to the table.

Being ready in the wallet and in the heart

The first comment I read was practical. The woman and her husband looked at their money and looked at their nerves. Both held up. Then curiosity did the rest. She has daughters now and does not regret a thing.

I realized my husband and I were financially and emotionally capable of taking care of a child and we were both terribly curious. Best choice we ever made. I love my girls more than life itself.

u/LanaDelRedneck95 on r/AskWomen

I read that one to Tom and he laughed. He reminded me of the notebook we kept in our first apartment. We wrote down every bill in pencil. We were not rich. We were not even comfortable. But we had looked at the numbers together and we knew what we were getting into. That counted for something. The emotional part was harder to measure. We argued about small things. We also made up fast. I think that was the real test.

The takeaway is simple. Know what you can handle before you add a baby to it.

Feeling that something was missing

The second woman described a change in how she and her husband spent their weekends. The fun had gone flat. They felt a gap. She was two months from her first baby when she wrote that.

The way my husband and I were spending our free time no longer felt fulfilling, we felt like something was missing! First baby due in 2 months

u/JazBerk1398 on r/AskWomen

I remember a Saturday before our oldest was born. Tom and I had the whole day free. We drove to a hardware store and then to a diner and then home. We sat on the couch at four in the afternoon with nothing to do. I was restless. Tom was restless. Neither of us said the word baby. But we both felt the house was waiting for something.

Here is the takeaway. A restless weekend can be a signal, but it can also just be a boring weekend. Pay attention before you act on it.

What the obituaries told one woman

The third comment stuck with me the longest. This woman read obituaries for her job. She started to notice which ones were long and full of love. She noticed who had rich lives late in life. She did not want to be old without a family to love.

The nail in the coffin for me was working in a profession where I read a lot of obituaries. I realized all the most loving and detailed ones were for parents, grandparents. They described people who loved their lives and many of them even after retirement and having several kids had rich lives traveling or playing sports or other fulfilling things. I realized that I didn’t want to miss out on having a family, and all the hardest parts are transient. Why would I want to be 80 years old without a family to love?

u/Loose-Ant-6429 on r/AskWomen

Tom and I read the obituaries in the Sunday paper now. We are at the age where we know some of the names. I never thought about them as evidence of anything. After I read this comment, I went back to the paper and looked. She has a point. The ones that make you tear up are the ones that mention grandkids and card games and a full table at Thanksgiving. The hard years of raising kids do not show up in there at all. They are gone by then.

The takeaway is this. The sleepless years end. The family stays.

A pull she could not explain

The fourth woman did not have a reason. She just could not picture her life without kids. She could not even picture stopping at one.

I simply couldn’t imagine not having them. I couldn’t even imagine having only one. For some people, this is just an innate desire that would be nearly impossible to fully articulate.

u/catiebug on r/AskWomen

This is the one I wish I had read before my middle one asked me the question. I tried to give a reason that made sense and there was not one. I wanted kids the way I wanted to breathe. Tom felt the same, though he would never say it that way. He just started building a crib before I was pregnant. That was his version of articulating it.

The takeaway here is honest. Some people do not have a reason, and that is a real answer.

Wanting to give her husband children

The fifth comment was about love. This woman wanted to have babies because of how much she loved her husband. She also saw signs in him that he would be a good father.

Love my husband so much that I want to make babies for him. Also he showed me qualities he could be a good father.

u/greatestshow111 on r/AskWomen

I read that one and looked over at Tom. He was pretending not to listen. Before we had kids, he used to fix the neighbor kids’ bikes in our driveway. He never rushed them. He let them hold the wrench. I remember watching him through the kitchen window and thinking that this man should have children. I will admit that was a big part of it for me.

The takeaway is plain. Watching your husband with other people’s kids tells you a lot.

Wanting a family that was hers

The sixth woman said something I have never said out loud. She does not like babies. She has two kids and still does not like babies. But she wanted to be the mother of her own family, and the baby part is short.

I wanted to have a family of my own. Never liked babies (I have two kids and I still don’t like babies that much) but the baby part is short and fast. Toddlers and big kids are where it’s at and I heard it only gets better. You can have a family without kids, but I wanted my OWN family. I wanted to be the mom of the family.

u/soundsfromoutside on r/AskWomen

I nearly dropped my coffee. I love my children. I also found the newborn stage to be a long blur of laundry and crying. I did not tell anyone that for years. My mother would have given me a look. But by the time my kids could walk and talk and argue with me at the dinner table, I was in my element. I wanted to be the mom. I wanted my own kitchen full of my own people.

The takeaway is one I needed thirty years ago. You do not have to love every stage to want the whole thing.

A surprise that felt right

The seventh comment was the shortest of the bunch. The woman found out she was pregnant and it simply felt right. That was her whole answer.

I got pregnant and it felt right

u/EasyLuckyFreeee on r/AskWomen

I know that feeling from other parts of life. When Tom and I walked into this house for the first time, it felt right. We did not have a list of reasons. We just knew. Some of the best decisions in my life were made that way. Some of the worst were too. The difference was whether Tom and I felt it together. A gut feeling shared by two people is a lot stronger than one person’s gut.

The takeaway is short. Feeling right matters, and it matters more when you both feel it.

Seeing the father he would be

The eighth woman was focused on her career and did not plan on kids. Then she watched her husband be patient and kind, and she started to imagine him as a father. She also pointed out that she has a lot of help, and that help makes a difference.

I never really wanted kids because I was so focused on my career, but seeing how patient, sweet, and loving my husband was made me imagine what kind of father he would be. He’s just awesome lol and I love him so much that I slowly started wanting to build a family with him and see little pieces of both of us in our children, and of course experience the kind of love that comes with being parents. I love my son so much and id love to have more kids. It’s not easy, but it is worth it. Also I need to add that I have a lot of emotional, financial and physical support, which definitely makes things a little easier.

u/Chocolatebabeeeee on r/AskWomen

I read the last part twice. Help makes a difference. My mother lived close enough to come over when I was drowning. My sister took the oldest for a weekend when the middle one was born. Tom’s parents sent casseroles. I did not raise three kids alone. Nobody does it alone and does it well. I think young women are told they should be able to, and that is a cruel thing to tell them.

The takeaway is this. A good father and a good support system are both part of the decision.

Having a baby for the grandparents

The ninth comment is the one the title of this post is about. This woman had a child because her parents were getting older and wanted grandchildren. She calls it the worst decision of her life. She is a single mother now. She loves her son.

I felt bad my parents were getting older and they really wanted grandkids. Worst decision of my life. I’m now a single mom. But I love my son to pieces

u/BusyInspector95 on r/AskWomen

I sat with that one for a long time. Tom put down his crossword. I want to be careful here because this woman does not need my judgment. She was honest, and honesty is rare. What I hear in her words is that she did a hard thing for the wrong reason and ended up carrying it alone. I also hear that she loves her boy. Both of those things are true at once. I have seen friends have kids to please their parents or to save a marriage. It rarely goes the way they hoped.

The takeaway is one I believe with my whole heart. Have a baby because you want one, not because someone else does.

Wanting the experience itself

The tenth woman wanted to know what pregnancy and motherhood felt like. She wanted that experience in her lifetime. That was reason enough for her.

I wanted the experience of pregnancy and motherhood during my lifetime.

u/audreyality on r/AskWomen

I understand that more now than I did then. I was pregnant three times. I remember the swollen feet and the heartburn and the way Tom would talk to my belly at night. I would not trade those memories for anything. They are mine. Not every woman wants them, and that is fine. But for the ones who do, I think it is a valid thing to want for its own sake.

The takeaway is simple. Wanting the experience is a real reason, not a selfish one.

A dream that would not go away

The eleventh woman had a dream. In it, her sister handed her a baby girl and said it was hers. She woke up wanting it to be true. Now she has a daughter.

Weirdly enough, it was because I had a dream. I dreamed of my sister handing me a baby girl saying it was mine. I just wanted that to be real so much. And here I am now, with a baby girl.

u/Evoehm13 on r/AskWomen

I do not put much stock in dreams. Tom does. He once dreamed the roof was leaking and three days later it leaked. He still brings it up. I think what happened to this woman is that the dream showed her something she already wanted. The dream did not plant the wish. It uncovered it. That is a useful thing to know about yourself, wherever it comes from.

The takeaway here is this. Pay attention to what you wake up wanting.

Growing up in a full house

The twelfth and last comment came from a woman who grew up in a big, happy family. She never questioned whether she wanted kids. She loved being part of a crowd. She ended up with two.

I grew up in a large happy family. It was never a question for me. I enjoyed being part of a large family. I ended up having only two.

u/notme1414 on r/AskWomen

I grew up with a sister and a brother and a mother who cooked from scratch for all of us every night. Our table was loud. I wanted a loud table of my own. I got one. Three kids and Tom at the end of the table claiming the end piece of the pot roast. Now the table is quiet most nights, and loud again when the grandkids come on weekends. I think the house you grow up in shapes the house you want. It did for me.

The takeaway is plain. Where you came from is part of why you want what you want.

Our middle one came back the next Sunday. I had the laptop ready on the counter. I did not read all twelve comments out loud. I just said that Tom and I wanted kids more than we wanted the free weekends, and that we were a little scared, and that we did it anyway. That was a better answer than the one I gave before. My middle one nodded and went back to drying pans. Tom was out back with the rake.

I still do not think there is one right reason to have a child. There are good reasons and bad reasons and a lot of reasons in between. The woman who called it the worst decision of her life taught me as much as the ones who called it the best. If you had kids, or if you decided not to, what was the real reason?