Signs You Can’t Miss That Means She’s Hoping You’ll Approach Her

Early this summer I asked the women who read this blog a question. What do you do when you want a man to come over and talk to you? I expected a handful of replies. I got a full inbox. I read them on the back porch every evening that week while my husband Tom watered the tomatoes and pretended not to listen.

Tom likes to say I gave him no hints at all when we first met. I like to say I gave him plenty and he missed every one. The replies that week settled the argument in my favor. Most of these signs are quiet. A man who is not paying attention will walk right past them.

On Saturday Tom and I went to the summer fair downtown. I watched the single people near the lemonade stand and the band tent with the week’s letters fresh in my mind. Every sign the women described showed up before we went home. Here is what the readers told me, along with what I saw with my own eyes.

She looks back again after she walks past you

Rhonda P., 58, of Dayton, Ohio, wrote the plainest reply of the week. She said she walks past a man she likes, keeps going, and then glances back over her shoulder. If the man is still looking, she takes it as permission to smile. If the man has gone back to his phone, she lets it go.

I saw it at the fair on Saturday. A woman in a yellow sundress walked past the band tent, slowed down, and looked back at a man leaning on the fence. The man was looking at the band. The woman kept walking. I wanted to go tap the man on the shoulder.

The lesson is simple. A woman who checks to see whether you noticed her is hoping you did.

She finds a reason to stand near you

Marcy L., 34, of Tucson, Arizona, said she picks her spot carefully. At a coffee shop she will take the table right next to a man she wants to meet, even when the whole room is empty. At a party she drifts toward the counter where the man is standing and starts fixing a plate she does not need.

Tom heard me read this one aloud from the porch and said that sounded like a coincidence to him. I asked Tom how many empty tables there are in a coffee shop at two in the afternoon. Tom went back to the tomatoes.

A woman does not have to cross a room to show interest. She closes the distance a little and waits to see if you will close the rest.

She steps away from her friends on purpose

Joanne K., 61, of Raleigh, North Carolina, lost her husband a few years ago and has started going to church socials again. Joanne wrote that she never expects a man to walk up to a table of women. So when she notices someone, she gets up to refill her tea and takes her time at the drink table.

Joanne said she does this because she knows how hard it is to approach a group. One person is easier than four. She is making it easier for the man, and she is also protecting herself from having her friends watch.

A woman who leaves her group and stands alone near you is giving you an opening. She is not waiting for her friends. She is waiting for you.

Her smile lasts a bit longer than polite

Teresa B., 47, of Sioux Falls, South Dakota, told me that a polite smile ends fast. You smile, you look away, you move on. When Teresa likes someone, she holds the smile and keeps her eyes on him until he looks away first.

At the fair I watched a woman at the lemonade stand smile at the man ahead of her in line. The man said something about the heat. The woman laughed and kept smiling after the man turned back to the counter. The man never turned around again. I nudged Tom. Tom said the man was thirsty.

A short smile is manners. A smile that stays on you after the moment has passed is an invitation.

She touches her hair when she catches you looking

Gail H., 55, of Portland, Maine, wrote that she catches herself tucking her hair behind her ear every time a man she likes glances her way. Gail said she does not plan it. It just happens. She also plays with her necklace, and she pointed out that most women know exactly what they are doing with that necklace.

Tom listened to this one from the porch steps and said that sometimes a woman just has hair in her face. Tom is right about that. One tuck of the hair means nothing. A tuck of the hair every time you look over, with a glance in your direction, is a pattern.

Grooming that happens only when you are watching is for you.

She asks you a question she could answer herself

Nicole F., 29, of Austin, Texas, admitted she once asked a man at the hardware store which bolt she needed for a project she had already finished. Nicole knew the answer. She wanted the man to walk over to the aisle with her. Another reader asked a man for the time while holding her phone in her hand.

I laughed at Nicole’s letter and read it to Tom. Tom said that was dishonest. I reminded Tom that he once asked me where the stamps were kept in a building he had worked in for years.

When a woman asks you a small question, the question is not the point. The conversation she is trying to start is the point. Answer the question and then keep talking.

She puts her phone face down when you walk by

Bev S., 66, of Boise, Idaho, said this is the most honest sign she knows. Bev sits at the bar at her neighborhood restaurant most Thursday nights. When a man comes in and she is not interested, the phone stays in her hand. When a man comes in and she is interested, the phone goes face down on the bar and she picks up her glass instead.

I watched for this at the fair and saw a woman on a bench near the band tent do exactly that. A man sat on the next bench. The woman put her phone in her bag and looked at the stage. The man pulled his phone out and started scrolling. I nearly groaned out loud.

A woman who puts her phone away when you arrive has cleared space for you to talk.

Her feet point toward you even when she is talking to someone else

Angela M., 41, of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, learned this one from her mother. Angela said a woman can be talking to her friend, laughing with her friend, and facing her friend from the waist up. If her feet are pointed at the man across the room, that is where her attention is.

I tested this on Tom at the fair. Tom was talking to a neighbor about lawn mowers. Tom’s feet were pointed at the funnel cake stand. I told Tom what Angela wrote. Tom said feet point where feet point. Then Tom bought a funnel cake.

People turn toward what they want. If a woman’s body keeps turning back toward you, she is hoping you will walk over.

She stays longer than she needs to

Lorraine T., 52, of Spokane, Washington, wrote that she has finished her coffee, put her coat on, and stayed at the table another twenty minutes more than once because a man at the next table looked like he might say something. Lorraine said she gives it a reasonable amount of time and then leaves. She does not wait all night.

I thought about my own stories while reading that letter. I thought about the evening when I lingered at a door long after I should have gone home. Tom claims he does not remember it. I remember it fine.

When a woman has every reason to leave and does not, she is giving you more time. That time runs out, so use it.

On Sunday my kids and my grandkids came for dinner. I told the table about the replies and the fair. Tom announced that he had now read every letter and finally understood what I had been doing all those years ago. My kids thought that was the funniest thing they had heard all month.

None of these signs are guarantees. A woman can look back, stay late, and put her phone down for reasons that have nothing to do with you. But the women who wrote to me were clear about one thing. They are not going to walk across the room. They will stand near it, smile a little longer, and ask about a bolt they do not need. The rest is up to the man.

Which of these signs have you given, or missed, without ever saying a word?